Episode 27, Part 1: Doug's Fat Cat

This episode begins with a competitive game of barnyard chess. Porkchop is reading a book.

Doug makes a move that angers Judy right before someone rings the doorbell. Judy blames all these distractions for her terrible playing.

At the door is Roger. He's stopping by on his way out of town. He's going with his mom to a monster truck rally. Probably just stopping by to brag about his vacation.

He goes on a series of leading statements about the hotel not allowing pets in a way to make Doug agree to take care of Stinky for a few days. It takes Doug a really long time to get to this point in the conversation. If someone stops by to say they're going out of town and can't take their cat, a normal person would immediately see where this is going. When Roger finally says that Doug should take care of Stinky, there's a short fantasy where he imagines how horribly that will go. In the fantasy, Porkchop and Stinky are chasing each other around the house and Doug calls the cops to have the cat arrested. Then the house falls down.

Fucking cat. And dog. Porkchop was a part of it too. But still, this totally possible outcome that Doug has imagined means Roger needs to do some more convincing.

Doug says that he shouldn't because his parents are away (nothing else is said about this) and so it's just him, Judy and Porkchop and Judy doesn't really like cats but...

...she runs out and falls in love with Stinky. Doug finally agrees to watch the cat.

It turns out that Stinky has been getting fat and really sick lately. Roger put him on a diet of special cat food designed to make cats lose weight. So he gave Doug all the supplies and instructions and one last, very concerned "I'm counting on you" before his mom pulled her monster truck away. Monster trucks are great for road trips, right?

At night, Doug can't find the cat in the house, so he looks outside and what does he see?

Stinky is hanging out with a couple of strays, drinking Moo Moo Milk and singing like a bunch of drunks. Seriously. Guess who hates this the most.

Robe and slippers.

Robe.
And slippers.

Porkchop takes the hose attached to his igloo doghouse (because of course the dog needs a water hose) and starts spraying the cats. Doug runs outside and gets soaked breaking up the whole mess. I can only assume that everything after "I looked outside and saw the cats drunkenly singing and drinking milk" is total bullshit that he just put in his journal because otherwise all he would've put was, "I agreed to watch Roger's cat today and I have so far experienced no problems whatsoever."

Ahh, but it's dinner time now. Porkchop is having a pizza. Doug opens a can of the special cat food, acknowledges how bad it smells, and then gives it to Stinky, who kicks it away in disgust. Doug then asks, "why can't you just eat pizza and ice cream like a normal pet?"

This sets Stinky off. Of course he would love to eat pizza and ice cream, just like a normal pet.

After much whining, Doug relents and orders pizza for the cat and prepares a huge bowl of ice cream for him.

All that food for one cat. I don't know how crazy you have to be to think this is a good idea. When Doug wakes up the next day, he can't find Stinky. He starts looking all over the house, even in the refrigerator, because maybe the cat accidentally shut itself inside.

He finally goes into Judy's room while she's practicing her Cleopatra routine in the mirror. She tells him to quit worrying. Cats are independent and can take care of themselves. For example, Stinky found his way into Judy's costume trunk during the night. He's sick.

Time for Doug to freak out. Skeeter joins him, because why not? Stinky won't quit moaning in agony, and it causes another short fantasy where Doug imagines telling Roger over the phone that he made his cat sick.

Roger pulls him through the phone, ties him to the top of a car and runs a monster truck over him.
In reality, Roger finally does call. Porkchop answers it. At first Doug says everything is fine, but then Roger wants to talk to Stinky. Doug doesn't want to do this because the cat is making horrible, sick-cat noises. Skeeter takes the phone and pretends to be a cat. Roger doesn't buy it, so Doug finally confesses that the cat is sick and they are taking him to the vet. Roger hangs up.

Doug and Skeeter rush to the vet. In the waiting room, they are frantically pacing when Doug finally gets too impatient and peeks his head into the vet's office where he overhears this.

"If he brought the cat in tomorrow, it would've been too late."
"Even sooner. It could all be over any minute now."

Sounds pretty bad. He comes out and tells Skeeter that Stinky is dying. Roger shows up, crying, asking what happened.

"Roger, it's all my fault. I fed Stinky...pizza and ice cream."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"I didn't think once could do any harm."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"I tried to talk him out of it, but he just kept howling."
"YOU! DID! WHAT!?"
"And now it looks like he's...gonna..."

And that's when Roger's mom chimes in with, "be a very proud mother!"

Yeah. Turns out Stinky is a female. Doug asks how Roger didn't know this.

"Well, how was I supposed to know!?"
"Son, we're way overdue for a very important talk."

Indeed, Mrs. Klotz. Indeed.

Anyway everything turned out fine. The vet even tells them that Doug did the right thing feeding the cat pizza and ice cream because pregnant cats always want to eat crazy things. So, yeah. Pizza and ice cream.
It's a pretty good start for season 3. Low on the fantasy, but way too high on the altered reality. Doug's idea of a normal pet is totally fucked, but we already knew that because of Porkchop and all the things Doug thinks he does. Like reading a book, or wearing a robe a slippers. The parents going out of town getting no explanation is par for the course. Where did they go and why did they leave their two kids? Who knows and because they don't give a shit about them. Also, this is another attempt by Roger to get closer to Doug. He doesn't even say that Doug is his last resort. He doesn't say he asked anyone else. It was always Doug to take care of his precious kitty.