Episode 21, Part 2: Doug's Big News

This episode begins with Mr. Bone boring the shit out of the entire school with his school news tv show. Everyone complains, but it's something Doug says that especially sets off Mr. Bone. Apparently, after his show was over, he went and put his ear to Ms. Wingo's classroom door to hear the mutterings of the students to see what they thought of his show. He was offended by their complaints and sarcastically challenged them to make a better show. Ms. Wingo quickly jumped on the idea and made it a class project, because fuck you, Mr. Bone. 11 year olds can make a better tv show than you. Naturally, these are the anchors the class chose.

This is Doug's big dream. He's always fantasizing about news shows interviewing him, or being on tv somehow (unless it's a stupid baby's show). Doug quickly uses this scenario for one of those fantasies that completely takes him out of reality and he's left sitting there as though he'd acted out the fantasy.

For some reason, Patti doesn't have a chair at the anchor desk for Sensational News. She's just always there on the tv. Doug's top story for Sensational News is that he's asking Patti out on live tv. She giggles in the flirty way Patti never really would, and says yes. Back in reality, NOTHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS EVER! Not even close. He never brings it up or thinks about it for the rest of the episode. I suppose for Doug, the fantasy is enough to satisfy his reality.

In the intro for the news show, we learn that Skeeter will be doing the weather.

Chalky will be doing sports.

Beebe will be doing shopping advice.

And Roger will be doing special segments.

At first this seems like a terrible idea. It is a terrible idea. He's barely literate and he's typically a jerk. But if you think about it, this is the job where he's least likely to electrocute himself or damage expensive equipment. If they'd had him running the lights or the camera, it would only be a matter of time before someone got hurt. He'll go on to prove that he's useless anyway, and he should've been excluded from the project, or given some meaningless job that would distract him. I would suggest something like standing in the way of the natural light coming in through the windows with some bullshit reason about it ruining the lighting the class was trying to create. Give him this job, and you help him with his rickets too. Win-win.

So, you're producing your school's news, and trying to prove yourselves to the assistant principal...what do you lead off with? What's your big story after you introduce yourself?

"At the top of the news, somebody barfed in the cafeteria today." -Patti

Off to a good start. Lets see how the ever competent Skeeter is doing with the weather.
"One minute it's raining. The next, the sun's shining. It's crazy."

It is entirely unclear whether he is aware of the sprinkler behind him. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and just assume he's joking around, but this is the guy that wanted to be head astronaut on student government day. It's a tough call.

Next we get a glimpse of Beebe's segment, titled Consumer Corner. All she does is remind people of her imminent birthday and list shit she wants.

And next, we have Roger's segment.

It starts with Roger saying, "you know what really gripes me?" Then he complains about teachers and homework. If this sounds familiar, it's because Family Guy did the exact same thing with Peter and his "grinds my gears" segment.

After the show, Mr. Bone barges in and tells them their show was a bunch of stupid nonsense. After he leaves, Patti and Doug talk about how he'll change his mind after he sees the tribute they've made for tomorrow's show.

After school, all the other kids crowd around Doug and Patti and make Roger jealous. If you're taking notes: barf stories make you popular, complaining about teachers and homework does not.

I really don't understand what happens next. The next day, Roger is sitting in Doug's anchor chair doing his segment, which is now about how awesome Mr. Bone is. Then he plays the special tribute the class made and takes all the credit. After that, Doug and Patti go to sit down and Roger hands Doug his news script.

Why did they let him go first? Why is he sitting at the anchor desk? Why didn't Doug have his own news script already? Because I guess there wouldn't be a story otherwise. Doug's top news story today is "Mr. Bone wears pink underwear."

And yes, he did Ron Burgundy that. I wish he had kept reading just to hear him try to pronounce the rest of Roger's script, but the pink underwear thing was too shocking. Also, he immediately got called to Mr. Bone's office.

So first, everyone but Roger is off the show. The show is now Mr. Bone and Roger as co-anchors. Second, Doug has to Bart Simpson "Mr. Bone does not wear pink underwear" 5,000 times.

"That'll take forever." This leads to one of my favorite fantasies.

They're both old as shit. I like to think Doug would actually follow through with a punishment that lasted well into his 50's. Sure, he's a grown man who could just walk away at any time, but then he might not learn his lesson about always falling for Roger's very simple tricks.

And so the news show is back to boring.

It consists of Mr. Bone being a boring douche, and Roger sucking up to him to stay on tv. I guess he's forgotten that his power grab was instigated by his jealousy and desire for popularity. What's he getting out of this? All the kids hate him, and now he has to pretend to like Mr. Bone. Way to fuck yourself, Roger.

But that's not good enough for the other kids. They scheme.

Their plan is simple. Since they know Roger will just take credit for anything nice they try to do for Mr. Bone, they just get him a present. Doug passes it off to Roger who waits until they're on live to give it to him, taking full credit.

Of course it's pink underwear. Roger now has the Bart Simpson punishment.

And FINALLY Ms. Wingo tells Mr. Bone that Roger wasn't the one that produced the special tribute.

Oh right, did you forget that Ms. Wingo has been observing everything the entire time? Easy mistake, especially since she didn't say a damn thing when Mr. Bone got pissed off at everyone but Roger. What use is she? She always knew what was going on and made no attempt to stop or fix it. Let the kids do a little playground justice. I bet Beebe bribes her for good grades.

Episode 21, Part 1: Doug Saves Roger

This episode is an anomaly. Doug doesn't have a single fantasy in this episode. That just means there's not much to say about it. The opening sequence looks and feels like a fantasy. It starts with Roger running through the school as he's clearly being chased by someone bigger than him. He bumps into Doug and falls on his knees, begging for help.

This is just a piece of what happens later.

So what could frighten Roger so much? That would be Mr. Bone's nephew Percy Femur. He transferred in. Roger was planning the welcoming committee.

They were ready with extra large spitwads, a burping lunch tray, and disintegrating homework paper. Mostly harmless pranks. Oh, and they had water balloons.

As you can see, Roger has written "PERCY" on all of them to avoid confusion.
And then they finally see Percy.

Mr. Bone's nephew is apparently 25 years old. Also, he's an asshole.

And so it goes that Percy is to be Roger's bully. He uses the water balloon in the above image on Roger, after misquoting Casablanca with, "I can see that this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship." Then there's this.

Everyone points and laughs and Roger is too scared to take it off.

Later, Percy spits a huge spitwad in Roger's face (hope he doesn't have rabies) and hoses him off with the water fountain.

Rickets.

Every time Mr. Bone shows up, Percy pretends to be Roger's friend. After tripping him, he helps him up because the yodeling jackass walks up.

At some point Doug says to himself/Porkchop, "Maybe Roger can be annoying, but Mr. Bone's nephew was just plain mean." A rather obvious observation. Probably used the intelligence of a quail to come to that conclusion.

After school, Roger comes out of hiding because Doug doesn't see Percy around. Doug tries to tell Roger to talk to Mr. Bone about it, but he thinks it is futile because after years of being a jerk, why would Mr. Bone believe him? Oh, then Percy walks up.

Roger runs away.

The next morning, Percy starts early by giving him a hurts donut.

Roger says, "Oww, that was my nose you big goon!"

Big mistake. Nobody calls that thug a goon. NOBODY! And so this is where the chase at the beginning happened. Roger bumps into Doug, begs for help, and Doug hides him in his locker.

Doug tells Percy to lay off Roger. He says okay, then commits to beating up Doug after school. Percy is just an asshole.

So after school, Doug and Skeeter talk about how quickly Roger took off before Percy shows up.

Looks like a fair fight. Percy pulls his fist back and someone catches his wrist.

Roger and his goons finally told Mr. Bone about everything. Percy is going back to his old school. And now they're all friends, going to the Honkerburger.

So that's it. I don't know. I wish there was at least one fantasy sequence, but they had to spend too much time showing you what an asshole Percy was so Doug would finally feel sorry for Roger enough to actually do something.

The title is a bit misleading as always. I mean...yeah, Doug saved Roger, but it was after days of torture. He could've saved him on the first day by telling Mr. Bone what was going on. Mr. Bone might not believe Roger about it, but he would listen to Doug, Skeeter, and any of the supposed good students if they told. Roger saved Doug just as much as Doug saved him. He just did it faster than Doug. How many times does Roger have to prove that he just wants to be Doug's friend? First he throws the party for Doug's first year in Bluffington, and now he saves him from a real asshole. I suppose they don't cancel out all of the annoying things Roger does that pretty much everyone does to all of their friends all the time though.

Episode 20, Part 2: Doug's a Genius

This episode starts with the theme song and opening animation we're all so familiar with. But then something happens and the stuff Doug is drawing turns on him. It draws a funny mustache and silly glasses. It eventually gets to what you see above, which is just Doug stumbling through utter chaos. So obviously this episode is either going to be about Doug's artwork or he's finally completely lost his mind and he's going to be taken to a mental health facility for minors.

Shit. Maybe next time.

So the episode actually begins with Doug and some other people painting in the park. Porkchop is chasing a raccoon. The raccoon finds a bigger raccoon.

And now the bigger raccoon is chasing Porkchop. Doug is finishing up his painting when the animal chase knocks him down. Both animals stomp through Doug's paints and then run over him several times.

Doug is powerless against the weight and strength of Porkchop and his slightly larger nemesis. Look at him, cowering there hoping for the nightmare to end. When the chase finally ends, Doug stands up and is just glad they only ruined the backside of his painting. His boring landscape is safe. He should maybe be concerned that the raccoon had rabies, but the thought never crosses his mind.

Finally, Doug explains that he's been taking painting classes every Saturday at the Bluffington Art Guild. Today, the teacher was going to pick two paintings to go in the annual art guild's competition.

This one doesn't make the cut. Beebe painted a self-portrait and Mr. Dink used some stupid automatic painting machine that controls your arm to paint a standard landscape bunch of bullshit. Patti calls Doug over to ask him about her painting. In his haste, he puts his painting down backwards, so the Porkchop/raccoon collaboration is showing. This is the first view we get of Patti's shit.

Just a standard mountain landscape. Doug is quick to say he thinks it's wonderful.

She's ecstatic. Then he tells her to put a little more snow on top. Maybe a few trees. She's confused. He says maybe just forget the trees. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain, just the way it is.
"It...it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother."

I don't even know what to say to that. This is just Doug's brain at its best.

The teacher interrupts to pour praise onto Doug, finishing by saying he's going to be a very famous artist. "Me? Famous? Maybe like that guy on tv..."

Best fantasy ever? Yes.

So then everyone has surrounded the back of Doug's painting to admire the shit out of it.

He didn't realize at first that they were admiring the fucked up backside of his painting. When he realizes, he says, "but I didn't...Porkchop..." and the teacher cuts him off, asking if Porkchop is the name of the painting.
It eventually fades to Doug sitting on the couch at home, explaining the situation to someone, but who?

Of course. You have a very simple problem with a very simple solution, and you go to the fucking dog for help.

And then he asks, "what am I supposed to do?" Porkchop's response is a back handspring. Seriously.

And Doug says, "flip flops? Well how are flip flops gonna help?"

Look, Doug. If you ask a fucking dog for advice, don't be so surprised when it's fucking ridiculous.
To clarify, Porkchop pulls out a Smash Adams comic.

So naturally we see a fantasy where Doug imagines what Smash Adams would do.

After Smash and his sidekick dog tumble through the museum hallway unnecessarily, he just turns the painting around. Problem solved. Why did Doug need a dog to walk him through this particular solution to what really isn't a problem to begin with?

Then some of Judy's friends come over to admire the genius that is Doug Funnie. They are followed by Doug's art teacher and a reporter.

They hound him with inane questions. They also want to see more of his work.

This is Quailman and Porkchop.

"And this is...well, this is a friend of mine."

They hate it and insist it's not him. Then they demand he paint something for them right now. This is just what people do to great artists. They give him a canvas and some paints and before he finishes one brush stroke, they rip the canvas out of his hands and proclaim it to be a brilliant painting.

The reporter says it's sensational. "Keep this up and you'll have your own show at the museum."

"My own show?" This is a great fantasy where Doug assumes his own show will display his apparent talents for copying famous artists.





And of course, who is most impressed with Doug's show?

Another one of Doug's best fantasies.

At the real art show, Doug is trying to explain his painting to the crowd. "Y'see, art lovers, I tried to bring out the essential porkchoppiness of...the porkchop."

They eat that shit up. Doug realizes he sounds like an idiot, and then notices that Patti's painting was the other one chosen from class to be in the show. He goes over to talk to her and it makes him finally decide to tell the truth. Before he can do it, the mayor walks in and does what he always does.

And then he tries to tell the teacher, but is again interrupted. This time by the appearance of Werner Schnozel. Werner Schnozel is a famous artist that has flown to Bluffington to judge the competition. The Bluffington Art Guild's competitions are very important in the art world.

I love this guy. His voice has hints of Dr. Zoidberg in it.

After the mayor introduces himself, Schnozel says, "that's the most amazing painting I've ever seen. Who did that amazing painting?"

And that's when they introduce Doug, who finally tells everyone Porkchop and a raccoon painted it. Schnozel then walks right by the mentally challenged boy wearing grey pants and a green jacket to Patti.

He was talking about Patti, of course. And so that's it. I suppose Patti won the competition, but Doug doesn't mention it. He never mentions what the prize was anyway, but based on the general incompetence of the art teacher, the prize was probably a year subscription to Seventeen Magazine or some other stupid thing.
I am terribly disappointed with Doug here. He had the opportunity to pull off another Pierre Brassau, but he felt guilty about it. He only fooled a bunch of jerkoffs trying to be pretentious about art. It was perfect. String those morons along for as long as possible. Why would he feel bad about that? If he isn't going to use the opportunity to mock them, what's the big deal with telling them the truth? Just tell them. They might be embarrassed for a minute, but it's not his fault they mistook garbage for art. They are the ones that repeatedly claimed he was a genius. If only they knew about "flip flops" and how frequently Doug gets advice from his dog. This is just another example of Doug having no problem at all, and getting upset about it. It has to be signs of an anxiety disorder.

This episode also provides more evidence to support this bullshit. Doug sees people in crazy colors that has nothing to do with their actual skin color. Everyone in his art class, and everyone at the show appears to have the craziest skin colors in the show.


Not a normal skin or hair color to be found. This is just how Doug sees the party.