Episode 18, Part 1: Doug's on Stage

Everyone is excited because today is the day when the cast list for Bluffington's annual Founder's Day Pageant gets posted. Skeeter gets to play the founder of Bluffinton, Thadeus Bluff! Doug points out and laughs at Roger because he has to play the front half of Grendel the Brave Horse. Then he notices who has to play the back half.

Not so funny now, is it Doug? At least Roger isn't the horse's ass.

And then Doug and Skeeter notice that Judy is going to direct the pageant. Doug takes this news worse than the news that he had to be the back half of a horse. You would think Doug would quit the pageant at this point. He's got a shitty role, and his crazy sister is directing it and all he can think about is how she's going to embarrass him. Why does he show up to the first rehearsal?

It's so he can have this amazing fantasy about how Judy will embarrass him.

The fantasy begins with Judy telling everyone to take it from the top. Then she says, "oh, by the way, Dougie. You left these in the bathroom this morning."


Then she shoots them onto Doug's head as everyone swirls around, laughing at him.

Doug doesn't know his sister at all. Yes. It's possible that she would embarrass him during the rehearsals and pageant. However, she has never been the type to embarrass him in this manner. This is more Roger's style of embarrassment. If Judy was going to embarrass Doug, it would be by having a complete emotional breakdown that reveals how psychologically unstable the Funnie kids are. That's what he needs to worry about.

Anyway Judy walks on stage dressed and acting like an old lady in need of help and reveals the disguise when Doug offers her help. Everyone applauds. Then she tells everyone to throw away their scripts because she's changing everything. This makes everyone happy, especially Doug. It means he won't be a horse's ass (in the pageant...every day life...debatable).

Judy's announcement causes another great fantasy from Doug.

"And now, presenting the award for best director of a school pageant, here's world famous experienced figure skating person, Derek Derekson."

Ignoring the terribly worded introduction that Derek Derekson received...why is he skating to the podium? Is this a reference to some early 90's award show that for some reason took place on ice? More on this in a minute.

Anyway, Derek Derekson announces that Judy Funnie is of course the winner!

WHY!? Judy comes out, thanks them, but then quickly gives all credit to Doug. It is his fantasy after all...

Again. WHY!? This is one of Doug's more absurd fantasies. If the guy presenting an award is a world famous figure skater, then he's probably always wearing his ice skates. And that means the stage must be ice. So that means Judy has to be wearing ice skates. And then Doug too! Of course! Why did Doug fantasize that this whole awards show would take place on ice and that everyone would just have to accommodate one guy who was merely presenting an award? Why didn't he just fantasize that someone relevant to stage productions was presenting the award? World famous Tony award-winning director Gerald Gutierrez! There! Now there's no need for ice skates. Doug just wanted to fantasize that he was ice skating, I guess.

Moving on. Doug and Skeeter are practicing Skeeter's lines. Skeeter is still the founder of Bluffington, but now he's an astronaut.

This annoys Skeeter's father. A lot. He calls the mayor!

...who teams up with Mr. Bone...

...to fire Judy. Mr. Bone takes over and restores the pageant to the traditional, boring bunch of bullshit where Doug is a horse's ass.

It's opening night. Boomer looks pissed that he has to be a tree. He does actually have lines, so he's at least not the back half of a horse. I don't know why the trees have lines, but they do.

Everyone is enthusiastic about the traditional pageant. The man sitting next to Mr. Bone taking notes (Mr. Bone incorrectly assumes it is the critic from the local paper) gets up and goes back stage to reveal his true identity. He's Judy.

Judy tells them to ditch this boring shit and tells Doug to get his bongos.

Skeeter gets his astronaut uniform and kazoo...

And they finish out the show with a strange beatnik sort of song where Roger is dressed as a pot roast, his goons are dressed as peas, and nothing makes any sense whatsoever. The crowd loves it.

There's nothing else to say, really.

I uploaded Judy’s part of the pageant, but it has already been blocked by viacom. I didn’t feel like describing it. Oh well. Skeeter is swinging around from the ceiling. Roger is dressed as a pot roast with a gang of peas. Beebe is dressed as a fork. Patti is dressed as an angel or something. What part of what we're shown was actually a part of Judy's rewrites and how much of it was filtered into nonsense about pot roast and peas and forks and astronauts by Doug who doesn't really understand his sister and doesn't care to understand her? I'm sure Judy's rewrites were insane enough. She's a Funnie. But what did Doug lazily describe to us? Or what did he add or change in his journal entry to make it more interesting? These are the questions we'll never have answers to.

That doesn't matter though, because Judy's version of the pageant was amazing. Just look at this bliss!

The Count's wife moved to Bluffington after the divorce, and his son just tries to blend in.