I love this episode.
This episode begins with Doug and Skeeter getting out of school.
Doug suggests they go to the Honkerburger and get some shakes. Skeeter agrees and says he's starving. Then Roger calls out to him and reminds him that he has plans. "Well...actually...I'm sort of going over to Roger's house. Sorry, pal! *honk honk*
What is this trickery!? Immediately Chalky and Beebe walk up and Doug asks if they want to come over and hear his new Beets tape. Chalky says sure, but Beebe quickly shuts him up and says "We're busy."
Then they walk over to Skeeter and Roger, immediately followed by...
What the fuck? Doug, why are all of your friends hanging out with Roger all of the sudden?
After the opening credits, Doug is sitting in front of his house and asks Porkchop, "Did I do something to make everyone hate me? Is it my breath?"
"Hmm, I bet Quailman would know what to do if he lost his friends."
So we begin this fantasy with Quailman and Quaildog playing an ordinary game of space miniature golf.
Mr. Dink walks up eager to show Quailman his new invention. It's a golf ball with shit poking out of it. Quailman asks if it's a ball with hole seeking guidance systems or some stupid shit, and Mr. Dink says no as he pushes a button on a remote that explodes the ball while Quailman is holding it. Dick!
Mr. Dink laughs and says, "oh boy, what a loser."
After mini golf, they go to the space equivalent of Honkerburger to get some beet shakes. Apparently Patti works there.
She informs them that they only sell zombie chips. She laughs and says, "oh boy, what a loser."
Then Doug sees Skeeter mopping the floor. He asks Skeeter if he wants to stop by the Thicket of Solitude later for a rousing game of quail-chess.
Skeeter says he'd rather kiss a moving train. Then he laughs and says, "oh boy, what a loser."
Back in the Thicket of Solitude, Quailman wonders why everyone is acting weird, almost like Dr. Klotzenstein. And because Quaildog is really concerned about the apparent problem, he's watching tv.
I love Doug's obsession with things happening on tv. Turns out this show is hosted by Dr. Klotzenstein!
It quickly becomes obvious to Quailman that Dr. Klotzenstein is using his popular gameshow to hypnotize people. OH NO! He's got Quaildog!
Quailman announces (to no one I guess...) that he must use the grace and speed of the quail!
He whistles the quail call and blows up the tv.
This is what the grace and speed of quails will get you.
Anyway, it works.
Quaildog is free from the hypnosis. Now they must fly to the tv studio to free all of the Klotzoid zombies from the evils of junk food!
Dr. Klotzenstein has even gotten Mr. Bone to be a contestant!
And the YO guy! How dare he hypnotize the YO guy!?
Quailman and Quaildog show up to save the day, but when they announce their presence, Dr. Klotzenstein just asks them if they've ever been on tv, and then offers to let them play the game.
This is Quailman using the intelligence of the quail. He accepts the offer to be on tv and they are strapped to the wheel of snacks!
That grin is awesome. Dr. Klotzenstein pulls the lever to make the wheel spin and then makes a comment about how he can take over the world now that Quailman is out of the way! Brilliant. You've got him shackled down. Just chop his head off and prepare him for dinner in whatever way people prepare quail. You can't just leave him spinning forever. Surely he's going to find a way to escape.
Well the only thing that isn't strapped down is Quaildog's quail-tail! Quick, Quaildog! Use it!
Well that's good. You managed to stop the spinning, but you're still shackled down...
Oh...right. Okay then...
Since Dr. Klotzenstein sees none of this, they escape fairly easily and quickly. So naturally the fly off to the beet store, buy a shitload of them, and fly back in an instant to pour them on Dr. Klotzenstein.
This is perhaps a combination of rickets and ducking.
Quailman throws beets to all of the people in the crowd!
They're free from the hypnosis! The power of the beet! Also, I don't think beets are one of those things you can just jam a straw in and drink. Quailman makes a comment about beets being natures candy, and then that's it. He's saved the day.
But...he didn't actually defeat Dr. Klotzenstein. He just dumped a bunch of beets on him. That's like...mildly annoying at best. Are you going to have him arrested, or destroy his tv equipment or anything so he can't just do this again right after you leave?
No? Okay, it's your story, Doug. Whatever. And that's the end of the Quailman fantasy. Inspired by his own writing, Doug decides to confront Roger about stealing his friends. He wants to know why everyone was invited over after school except him.
Roger invites him in to talk about it, but it's dark. Doug can't see anything. Roger turns on the light.
Thaaaat's right. Roger is throwing him a surprise party for the one year anniversary of the day he moved to Bluffington. Doug is quite surprised Roger is hosting this thing. To keep up appearances, Roger says "it's not like we're getting married" and then does the old "you got something on your shirt" trick.
Oh, and here's a cake. HAVE SOME FUCKING CAKE, DOUG!
So Doug is an asshole, right? I've always thought that Roger wants to be friends with everyone, but he just doesn't know how to make friends. He's got rickets. He's poor. His parents probably treat him like shit. He picks on the people he likes. Who doesn't do that sometimes? We only see Roger through Doug's journal, so we only see Roger through the exaggerations of a delusional psychotic. After this episode, I think it's fair to assume Roger has never been as bad as Doug portrays him.
This is one of my favorite episodes because 90% of the episode is a fantasy where Doug imagines Roger is pure evil, and all of his friends are idiots that were easily controlled by that evil. They call him a loser and just dump on him throughout. Then after the fantasy, you find out that Doug is really just an asshole. His friends aren't going to the dark side, and his enemy is actually just a nice guy trying to do a nice thing.