This episode starts with the theme song and opening animation we're all so familiar with. But then something happens and the stuff Doug is drawing turns on him. It draws a funny mustache and silly glasses. It eventually gets to what you see above, which is just Doug stumbling through utter chaos. So obviously this episode is either going to be about Doug's artwork or he's finally completely lost his mind and he's going to be taken to a mental health facility for minors.
Shit. Maybe next time.
So the episode actually begins with Doug and some other people painting in the park. Porkchop is chasing a raccoon. The raccoon finds a bigger raccoon.
And now the bigger raccoon is chasing Porkchop. Doug is finishing up his painting when the animal chase knocks him down. Both animals stomp through Doug's paints and then run over him several times.
Doug is powerless against the weight and strength of Porkchop and his slightly larger nemesis. Look at him, cowering there hoping for the nightmare to end. When the chase finally ends, Doug stands up and is just glad they only ruined the backside of his painting. His boring landscape is safe. He should maybe be concerned that the raccoon had rabies, but the thought never crosses his mind.
Finally, Doug explains that he's been taking painting classes every Saturday at the Bluffington Art Guild. Today, the teacher was going to pick two paintings to go in the annual art guild's competition.
This one doesn't make the cut. Beebe painted a self-portrait and Mr. Dink used some stupid automatic painting machine that controls your arm to paint a standard landscape bunch of bullshit. Patti calls Doug over to ask him about her painting. In his haste, he puts his painting down backwards, so the Porkchop/raccoon collaboration is showing. This is the first view we get of Patti's shit.
Just a standard mountain landscape. Doug is quick to say he thinks it's wonderful.
She's ecstatic. Then he tells her to put a little more snow on top. Maybe a few trees. She's confused. He says maybe just forget the trees. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain, just the way it is.
"It...it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother."
I don't even know what to say to that. This is just Doug's brain at its best.
The teacher interrupts to pour praise onto Doug, finishing by saying he's going to be a very famous artist. "Me? Famous? Maybe like that guy on tv..."
Best fantasy ever? Yes.
So then everyone has surrounded the back of Doug's painting to admire the shit out of it.
He didn't realize at first that they were admiring the fucked up backside of his painting. When he realizes, he says, "but I didn't...Porkchop..." and the teacher cuts him off, asking if Porkchop is the name of the painting.
It eventually fades to Doug sitting on the couch at home, explaining the situation to someone, but who?
Of course. You have a very simple problem with a very simple solution, and you go to the fucking dog for help.
And then he asks, "what am I supposed to do?" Porkchop's response is a back handspring. Seriously.
And Doug says, "flip flops? Well how are flip flops gonna help?"
Look, Doug. If you ask a fucking dog for advice, don't be so surprised when it's fucking ridiculous.
To clarify, Porkchop pulls out a Smash Adams comic.
So naturally we see a fantasy where Doug imagines what Smash Adams would do.
After Smash and his sidekick dog tumble through the museum hallway unnecessarily, he just turns the painting around. Problem solved. Why did Doug need a dog to walk him through this particular solution to what really isn't a problem to begin with?
Then some of Judy's friends come over to admire the genius that is Doug Funnie. They are followed by Doug's art teacher and a reporter.
They hound him with inane questions. They also want to see more of his work.
This is Quailman and Porkchop.
"And this is...well, this is a friend of mine."
They hate it and insist it's not him. Then they demand he paint something for them right now. This is just what people do to great artists. They give him a canvas and some paints and before he finishes one brush stroke, they rip the canvas out of his hands and proclaim it to be a brilliant painting.
The reporter says it's sensational. "Keep this up and you'll have your own show at the museum."
"My own show?" This is a great fantasy where Doug assumes his own show will display his apparent talents for copying famous artists.
And of course, who is most impressed with Doug's show?
Another one of Doug's best fantasies.
At the real art show, Doug is trying to explain his painting to the crowd. "Y'see, art lovers, I tried to bring out the essential porkchoppiness of...the porkchop."
They eat that shit up. Doug realizes he sounds like an idiot, and then notices that Patti's painting was the other one chosen from class to be in the show. He goes over to talk to her and it makes him finally decide to tell the truth. Before he can do it, the mayor walks in and does what he always does.
And then he tries to tell the teacher, but is again interrupted. This time by the appearance of Werner Schnozel. Werner Schnozel is a famous artist that has flown to Bluffington to judge the competition. The Bluffington Art Guild's competitions are very important in the art world.
I love this guy. His voice has hints of Dr. Zoidberg in it.
After the mayor introduces himself, Schnozel says, "that's the most amazing painting I've ever seen. Who did that amazing painting?"
And that's when they introduce Doug, who finally tells everyone Porkchop and a raccoon painted it. Schnozel then walks right by the mentally challenged boy wearing grey pants and a green jacket to Patti.
He was talking about Patti, of course. And so that's it. I suppose Patti won the competition, but Doug doesn't mention it. He never mentions what the prize was anyway, but based on the general incompetence of the art teacher, the prize was probably a year subscription to Seventeen Magazine or some other stupid thing.
I am terribly disappointed with Doug here. He had the opportunity to pull off another Pierre Brassau, but he felt guilty about it. He only fooled a bunch of jerkoffs trying to be pretentious about art. It was perfect. String those morons along for as long as possible. Why would he feel bad about that? If he isn't going to use the opportunity to mock them, what's the big deal with telling them the truth? Just tell them. They might be embarrassed for a minute, but it's not his fault they mistook garbage for art. They are the ones that repeatedly claimed he was a genius. If only they knew about "flip flops" and how frequently Doug gets advice from his dog. This is just another example of Doug having no problem at all, and getting upset about it. It has to be signs of an anxiety disorder.
This episode also provides more evidence to support this bullshit. Doug sees people in crazy colors that has nothing to do with their actual skin color. Everyone in his art class, and everyone at the show appears to have the craziest skin colors in the show.
Not a normal skin or hair color to be found. This is just how Doug sees the party.
