Episode 45, Part 2: Doug's Fan Club

One of Doug's Man-o-Steel Man comics had an advertisement for a magic book on the back and Doug naturally jumped to the conclusion that he could impress his friends if he got it. Have any of his friends expressed interest in magic tricks before? Doesn't matter. Doug's going to do some tricks that will blow their minds. He has a fantasy where Skeeter, Patti, Beebe and Chalky are sitting around in his magic-filled home, begging him to do a trick for them.

He relents, asking if they want to see his Disappearo trick. He does a couple of shuffling tricks with a deck of cards before grabbing one card and saying, "now you see it. Now you don't." He simply sticks the card into a pocket on the front of his vest. Everyone is annoyed. Anyone can do that. He says, "wait, I haven't finished the trick. Veni vidi vici!"

He disappears, leaving the card floating where it was. Quite an impressive trick. I can't believe he thinks he's going to learn this from a book.

The day after he received the book in the mail, he sees Beebe and Chalky playing cards at lunch and assumes that would be the perfect time to show off his new skills. He walks over and asks if they want to see his disappearo trick. Beebe says, "maybe later, Doug." He says it will only take a minute and takes one of the cards. Chalky says, "come on, Doug! We're in the middle of a game!" He continues the trick anyway. Or he would've continued the trick if he remembered how to do it. While consulting the book for the magic phrase, Beebe and Chalky get up and leave. He says, "Guys? I guess you're not impressed." Money well spent.

But that was just his second day with the book. Later, Doug walks through his backyard where Judy is having her Pee-Wee Shakespeare class. They are working on a set and oblivious Doug walks right through it because he is so focused on saying "veni vidi vici" correctly while trying to make a card in his hand disappear.

He ends up bumping into Judy and dropping the card. While Doug bends over to pick of the card, a kid swinging from a rope slams into Judy. They both fall down and this is presumably the end of Judy's Pee-Wee Shakespeare class because a high school kid is not responsible enough to hang a kid from a tree without having them slam into someone. Anyway, Judy is pissed and tells Doug to get his vaudeville act off her stage.

Inside, Doug admits that it's depressing how no one wants to see his trick. He says the magic phrase and the card in his hand disappears. A kid sitting on the couch loves it. He wants Doug to do it again.

Doug asks him who he is and why he's not rehearsing. He's Todd and Judy told him to get off her stage because of his acting. So instead of going home or whatever, he just stuck around the Funnie house. Kids, right?

So Doug does the trick for Todd several times and the kid starts hanging out with him every day. Doug says it's nice to have someone look up to him for a change.

I am a little bothered that this kid looks so much like a Lemonhead. Todd starts copying everything Doug does.

Doug gives him this comic book and he only laughs when Doug laughs. Todd's comic is upside down and he can't read apparently. He asks Doug to read it to him.

Eventually, Doug takes Todd up to his room where he is further impressed by everything. The Beets poster? Cool. The old radio? Cool. Looking under Doug's bed, he finds an Air Jets box and asks what it's for. Doug tells him it's where he keeps his secret stuff. This all sounds very bad, but it's not.

No, it's not pornography. It's fool's gold, a buffalo head penny, arrow heads, a picture of baby Doug with "Monk-monk," the stuffed animal he's had since he was a baby, and more. It looks like Porkchop's dog tags are in there, which makes you wonder why they aren't on his collar. Is Porkchop actually dead and Doug just pretends he's still around? I don't want to think about it.

There's also a nice little box in the box which Todd opens and asks what it's for.

Doug explains that's from when he first met Patti. It's pretty weird that he kept an empty ketchup packet, even for sentimental reasons. What's he getting out of that? Does it help him remember that moment better? I thought that was what this journal was for. He's written down the details of that first meeting so he doesn't have to keep garbage related to it. This is hoarder behavior.

Doug thinks this whole Todd situation is fun until the next day at school. Chalky is telling him and Skeeter about a hilarious movie when Todd approaches.

Todd is there to prove to the pink haired kid that he's Doug's friend. Chalky asks, "you hanging out with second graders, Doug?" Doug explains that he's in Judy's Pee-Wee Shakespeare class, and Todd immediately amends that by saying they do everything together, like read comic books and play the banjo. Doug excuses himself as Todd pretends to be the great Dougini. Doug grabs Skeeter and Chalky and they quickly leave.

After school, Doug and Skeeter have decided to go see that hilarious movie Chalky was going on about. It is called, "Honey, I Microwaved the Dog." Sounds more like a horror story. Inside, Patti and Beebe spot them and Pattie asks if they want to sit with them. Of course. Doug and Skeeter promise to go find and save seats for them. Doug spots the perfect seats pretty quickly.

And they glow. They make their way across and sit down. Doug is excited that Patti will be sitting next to him for about 5 seconds before he notices Todd.

And Todd's little brother Wesley. Todd's mom is okay with her kids sitting with Doug, which clearly indicates that she is unaware of his insanity. Also, Todd has changed his name to Doug. He wants to be called Doug now, as does Wesley. Wesley merely copies Todd. Also, they are dressed like Doug. There might be something wrong with Todd's mother, and also his dad might be a piece of shit.

Patti and Beebe finally come up and Doug shrugs at them to basically say sorry. Patti says, "that's okay! Thanks for trying though. See ya afterwards at the Honkerburger." Doug says, "okay!' Todd and Wesley say, "okay." Doug has a fantasy.

In his fantasy, he is the Great Dougini. He says his next illusion will take the utmost concentration before asking his assistants Doug and Doug to step into the box.

He closes the box, wraps it in chains, locks it, swallows the key, stabs 3 swords through the box, puts the box into a giant safe, and drops the safe down a trap door in the floor. It splashes in some water. The applause from the crowd turns his murderous triumph into the nightmare it should be.

They are all Todd and Wesley. It's like The Prestige, except he's murdering two children and cloning them by the hundreds. I love that all the Wesley's have pig dolls dressed like Doug. The real Wesley has one too.

At the Honkerburger, they are all laughing about the movie when things get embarrassing. Todd starts acting like the dog in the movie.

Beebe is annoyed by his barking, and then Wesley starts barking too. Todd calls him a copycat and growls. Doug starts to ask Patti a question but Todd makes a fart noise with his mouth. Doug says, "TODD!" Todd insists that his name is now Doug. Wesley says, "DOUG DOUG DOUG!" Todd says, "stop it, Wesley!"

Doug again starts to ask Patti a question when Todd interrupts to say, "I eat everything Doug eats." As he's saying this, he reaches for Doug's fries and knocks his drink over, spilling it into the fries. Todd ducks under the table and Wesley copies him. Patti offers Doug a dry fry and Todd pops back up between them, knocking the fries out of her hand. He says, "can I ask ya something!? Can I ask ya something!? How come you turn red every time you see Patti? Does that mean you're in love with her? Huh, Doug? Huh? You know, he has your ketchup!"

Doug has finally had enough. He pulls Todd out away from everyone and says, "you have to go, Todd. Go sit with your mom. Just get away from me, please!" Todd turns to Wesley and repeats, "just get away from me, please!"

This still couldn't hurt as bad as whatever their dad does/did to them.

Later, it's storming outside and Doug is feeling bad about what he did. He thinks he might have been too hard on him. Judy says you can't be too hard on that kid. "He's impossible." The phone rings and it's Todd's mother. She wants to know if he's hanging out with Doug. Apparently she just lost him at the Honkerburger. Doug has another fantasy, sort of.

Basically he's just remembering what happened at the Honkerburger and changing a few details. It wasn't storming outside when he actually told Todd to go away, but it is now in his memory. And now, instead of not caring or knowing where the kid went, Doug imagines that he runs outside into the storm, and almost gets hit by a huge truck before running into a forest wailing at the top of his lungs.

After the fantasy, Doug says he doesn't know what happened to Todd and starts to offer to go over to the Honkerburger to look for him, but he sees him. He tells Todd's mom he's there. Todd is sitting in the tree in their backyard. During a thunderstorm.

Doug calls out to him and he yells, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" So now he thinks Doug hates him too. This kid's reaction to feeling hated is predictable. Judy hates him, so he hangs out in her house. Doug hates him, so he hangs out in that tree where they played the banjo. Where did his dad start hating him and why doesn't he go back to hanging out there?

Anyway, Doug says he doesn't hate him. Todd says he just wanted Doug to like him and Doug says, "yeah, I know that feeling." Doug climbs up the tree with his umbrella, and luckily the storm stops. Doug explains, "it seems like every time I try too hard to impress somebody, well, it backfires." So yeah, Doug is everybody's Todd. Sad.

Doug finishes by saying, "you're great at imitating people. We know that. But there's a time and a place for it."

"When?"

Duh. Second-grade kids make the perfect cast for The Tempest. Bravo, Judy! Bravo!

Let's take a moment to reflect on the fantasy where Doug murdered two young children in front of an audience. It was a magic show, but the Great Dougini was saying he'd make them disappear forever, and was thrilled to drop them into the water pit below. Yeah.

But at least he realized he tries too hard sometimes. That's a good step in the right direction. He needs to stick to the journal though. I don't want to hear any more about saving garbage for sentimental reasons. Doug's box of secret stuff does not need to turn into a closet of secret stuff, and then a room of secret stuff and then a house of secret stuff that gets you on a show where they display your mental disorder to the world. He's had enough of that sort of thing already.