Episode 32, Part 1: Doug and the Weird Kids

This episode begins with everyone in Doug's class (hey, YO guy!) crossing their fingers and shaking uncontrollably. Ms. Wingo is pairing people up. Roger gets paired up with Connie, and he lets out a sigh of relief. Boomer gets paired with Chalky, and he too feels great relief.

Doug finally explains that she's pairing everyone up for a "Get to Know Your Fellow Students" Report. Certainly Ms. Wingo could've given the assignment a better name. Anyway, everyone is nervous that they might have to do their report on Al and Moo Sleech. This is them.

Al held up the paper with 473 written on it and they both laugh. Throughout the episode, you see that they have some kind of numerical language they use to talk to each other, and to justify their reputation for being weird as fuck. Of course, Doug gets paired up with them.

Right after Doug gets home from school, his doorbell rings. It's the Sleech brothers and they are not wasting any time in getting their report done. Also, they are dressed in hazmat suits.

I doubt Ms. Wingo is going to deduct points if they don't go through Doug's garbage and analyze it, but then I was never a very thorough student.

After inspecting the washer and dryer (one of them actually gets in the dryer while the other turns it on), they decide to inspect the air ducts.

They learned nothing of value or interest.

And just like that, they are finished. Doug tries to get them to interview Judy and wait to interview his parents, but they refuse. They have everything they need. They found it in the apple core from the trash and how much the dryer shook.

As they are leaving, Doug asks them when he would be able to visit their house and interview their family. They say their father is very busy and cannot be disturbed. Then they give him a report on their home life. They have done all his work for him.

Later, Doug shows the report to Skeeter at the Honkerburger. Skeeter is amazed by the cool graphics.

That's a pretty cool pie chart about the annual distribution of towels, but I'm more interested in the line graph on the other page. With the x-axis labeled with onions, pickle, and relish, I just have to know what that chart is about. How does a line chart work with these items on the x-axis? What's on the y-axis?

What?

Doug reads some of the data too. "543 feet of electrical wire. Average temperature: 492 degrees kelvin."
These poor, weird nerds. Kelvin isn't measured in degrees. Also, what is 492 kelvin in their house? That is about 426°F. Did they give Doug the average temperature of their oven?

So anyway, Beebe and Connie sit down and ask him what the inside of their house is like. Beebe asks about the weird smells coming from their basement. Connie asks about the black smoke. Beebe asks about their dad. Connie lives right next door to them and has never even seen Mr. Sleech. Sounds like Connie lives next door to a drug dealer.

Roger chimes in and says their dad is a super evil scientist that stays in his laboratory all day and never comes out! Roger says Al and Moo are part of his experiments. He made himself genius twins, and ultimately his plan is to turn everyone into Sleeches and take over Bluffington! High ambitions. Doug says that can't be true, then Skeeter calls attention to their dad's profile in the report.

Ominous.

Finally, Doug has a fantasy about this situation.

We see the inside of Mr. Sleech's laboratory, and he grabs some beakers, there an small explosion with a puff of black smoke and he introduces Al and Moo to his latest experiment!

How evil! He made sisters for Al and Moo. This may be a disturbing bit of insight into Doug's feelings for the Sleech brothers, so take it how you will.

After the fantasy, Doug decides he has to do his own report. He can't just hand in the useless crap they gave him. He has to go to their house and interview Mr. Sleech.

The Sleech brothers are not thrilled by Doug's decision, but they agree to let him interview their father.

Doug should feel more insulted by this than he does. That they think he would not be able to recognize one of them wearing a fake mustache and a hat is nothing less than insulting. Or it could just mean that they know Doug is crazy, and if there's one kid that would work on, it's him. Anyway, it doesn't work. Their dad isn't even home ("he's doing very important, secret experimentations"), but they decide to show Doug their bedroom.

Doug likes their bunk beds. He asks who gets the top bunk and they say they alternate every 4 hours. Next they show him Brian.

They spend hours and hours playing with Brian. Doug asks if they have any games and they start playing their favorite game. Eventually, Doug gets bored and decides to leave since it's almost 10 o'clock.

They freak out. It's almost 10 o'clock, which means their dad is coming home, which means Doug needs to get the fuck out! While they're running around in circles and banging their heads against the wall, Doug has a fantasy about what will happen if he's caught by the evil scientist Mr. Sleech.

Doug is still alive in that jar, screaming to be released. Another reasonable fear from our crazy Doug.
Back from the fantasy, Doug actually gets to meet the real Mr. Sleech. He's happy to answer any of Doug's questions and starts showing him around the house. He wants to show Doug where he does his experimentations!

He takes Doug down into the basement where you quickly find out that he's just a baker.

He gives Doug as many fresh donuts as he can eat while answering questions. Neither of them can believe he fathered two kids that are as smart and weird as Al and Moo. There is no mention of their mother. Parts of her might be in the donuts Doug just ate.

Anyway, Doug finally realizes that they're just ashamed of the fact that their father is just a baker and not a brilliant scientist doing top secret work. When he presents his report to the class, he has Mr. Sleech come in with donuts for everyone.

This helps Al and Moo get over their stupid embarrassment. It's nice to know Doug can apparently help other people with their emotional problems. If only someone did the same for him.

And someone should help Beebe and Connie too. Weird smells coming from the bakery in the basement? What is wrong with Beebe? Her sense of smell is broken. The way they described it sounded like Mr. Sleech was cooking meth. The way it actually is sounds like Beebe and Connie are fucking morons.