Episode 13, Part 2: Doug Says Goodbye

Here's Doug, contemplating the important things. The things that really matter. Why, Doug? What's wrong this time?

It all started when Skeeter's parents told him to pack his shit, he's moving. See, Doug and Skeeter were going to go to Beebe's costume party dressed as members of The Beets, but then Skeeter found out he was moving and told Doug while sitting on a park bench like a jackass.

This sent Doug into a fantasy that makes you worry that it's going to be a clip show. First it fades into when they first met and how Skeeter taught him how to order food at the Honkerburger. Then it fades into when Skeeter taught Doug how to dance. And then it fades into when they met The Beets.

Which fades into this shot where everyone fades out except Doug, who realizes he's jamming alone and gets embarrased.

And then it fades out to Skeeter and Doug, still at that park bench. Just to be clear, in Doug's fantasy, he added this entirely made up scene where he was at the Honkerburger remembering the time he met The Beets and it faded out to reveal that his fantasy had taken control of him and made him do embarrassing things. He inserted a fantasy where he gets embarrassed into one of his favorite memories! That or he never really met The Beets, and Skeeter and Porkchop aren't even real, and letting us see how he perceives this memory shows that when he thought he met The Beets, it was really just himself dancing and playing air guitar totally alone. Either way, it's not very good, but obviously one is a little worse...

Anyway, Doug immediately tries to think of how he could stop Skeeter from moving. First up, Quailman!

Quailman gives Mr. Valentine the old Quail Eye and hypnotizes him! Skeeter saved! Next up, Smash Adams!

Smash Adams shows up, does faux karate stances or some shit, and just physically threatens the movers to make them stop. This is more retarded than Quailman hypnotizing Skeeter's dad. The movers would just be fired, and Skeeter would still move. Doug, can't you think of a better way for Smash Adams to save your friend than threatening people that have no control over the situation? No? Well lets see how you think you'd manage?

Brilliant idea.

So, once again, we come back to the bench and Skeeter gets an idea.

He doesn't tell Doug what the idea is. He'll tell him later.

At home, Doug is sitting in the kitchen, depressed with the thoughts of his best friend moving away, when his mom comes in with his wig for his costume. She wants to see how it fits with the rest of the costume and so they go up stairs and Doug opens his closet to find...

Awesome. Fearing his mom might freak out, Doug quickly slams the door and gets her to leave.

Then he asks Skeeter what's going on. Turns out, Skeeter's brilliant plan was to run away from home, break into the Funnie's house, and live in Doug's closet. Porkchop helped.

Deciding this is an awesome plan, all three of them rock out to Killer Tofu!

Porkchop's got amazing air guitar skills. It's the thumbs...

After a little fun, Skeeter says he wants a milkshake and suggests they go to the Honkerburger. Doug points out that if they do, everyone will know where Skeeter's hiding out. Not to worry, Skeeter has another brilliant plan.

Surprisingly, this doesn't work. Everyone immediately recognizes Skeeter. Roger is quick to mock him with a stupid line about it being Halloween or something. Oh, and guess who shows up right after...

Yeah. He looks angry as fuck, but he's really just worried because Skeeter never came home after school. He's asking everyone if they've seen him. Doug lies and Roger tries to lead Mr. Valentine to where Skeeter is hiding without just pointing and saying, "look, you goddamn moron. Can't you see that he's right fucking there. He just said something out loud, and you heard it! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" I had to take two screenshots of this because this first one...

...check out Roger's rickets. I thought he was getting better. Maybe he should sit at one of the tables outside. And then there's this...

First, it's just a great picture. Second, how fucking stupid does Doug think adults are? This is the second time Skeeter has hidden poorly (while making noise) and both adults would have easily seen him but neither did. Skeeter's dad is actually looking for him and hears him say something, and there's an entire interaction with Roger where they argue and Skeeter bites Roger right behind him, and he manages not to notice. No one is this oblivious.

So then later on the walk home, Doug tells Skeeter he should go with his family.

Typical goodbye. They promise to visit each other and exchange gifts. Skeeter gives Doug his lucky penny.

Doug gives Skeeter a comb...

It's the only thing he had on him...

Anyway, they say goodbye and Doug promises to stop by tomorrow before they leave. The next day, as he's walking towards Skeeter's house, he sees a car driving away and automatically assumes he just missed saying goodbye to his best friend.

Then he sits down on the steps at Skeeter's house and gets sad until Skeeter comes out and surprises him. Turns out, he's only moving into the basement.

Skeeter's family is just retarded. How did Skeeter not know that this was what they meant? Why did his dad only tell him to pack up everything to move? There were no follow up questions? Where are we moving to? Why so sudden? When did you sell this house and find a new place to live? These are some of the questions someone who isn't obliviously retarded would ask.

So Skeeter and Doug got to go to Beebe's party as half of The Beets after all.

I love these four costumes. On anyone else they'd suck, but on the school bully and his friends...perfect.

Nothing beats the kid in the fire hydrant costume. He's wearing a fucking fire hydrant. And he's in another room by himself. Clearly everyone else is in this room, dancing and having a good time. Most likely, the stereo is in there. Not fire hydrant kid! Too cool for the room with the fucking hot dog guy in it.

Remember when Doug's mom wanted to see how the wig matched with the rest of the costume? What happened to the rest of the costume? That's just Doug wearing a blue wig. Why is Porkchop dressed in a heart costume? Was Porkchop even invited to Beebe's party? What about Stinky? Looks like he's wearing Mickey Mouse ears...?

If I wanted to, I could use this episode to argue that Skeeter and Porkchop aren't real. If I wanted to, I could point out that Doug's mom doesn't ask him why he's obviously depressed, doesn't ask him about Skeeter, and doesn't see Skeeter sitting in Doug's closet, eating pizza and playing cards with a dog, and how this indicates that Doug is probably usually depressed (and she spends most of her time trying to cheer him up with wigs and costumes) and that she probably didn't ask about Skeeter or see him and Porkchop because they don't exist. If I wanted to, I would reiterate the facts of the strange fantasy within the fantasy in an attempt to come to a conclusion on what parts of that particular fantasy are real, if any. If I wanted to, but there's simply not enough to go on.