The radio was stolen. Doug takes this opportunity to reveal his weird private detective alter ego, The Chameleon.
Here we get a good fantasy intro featuring The Chameleon's talents for disguise. Such as baby...
Don't worry that woman is just The Chameleon's unnamed partner in disguise.
And here they are posing as statues, about to give chase to an art thief.
It is worth noting that in all of these fantasies about chasing criminals using amazing disguises, the criminal is always the same. It is always Roger Klotz with a ski mask on. Always.
The next day at school, we meet Beebe's father and he is furious about the stolen radio. He scoffs at the price of the radio, and mentions he can buy plenty more if he wanted to. He's just mad because it's the principle of the matter. People should not be stealing from his rich, bratty daughter.
So Assistant Principal Bone steps in and says that if the radio is not returned by the end of the day, everyone in class will have to stay after school for detention.
Everyone groans. Patti turns to Doug and says she has beetball practice and there's no way she can miss it. And here's Doug entire motivation for the rest of the day. This quickly activates fantasy mode where Doug has to rescue Patti.
Turns to this...
And naturally, Doug already has a suspect. Of course, it's Roger Klotz. Fantasy time.
A masked kid with green skin opens his locker and pulls out the radio. Quickly The Chameleon reveals his disguise and the chase begins.
This is what is known as a Chief Quimby level disguise. Pointless and ultimately hindering. That doesn't stop The Chameleon from catching and unmasking the thief. Big surprise, it's...
The fantasy fades out to reveal that Roger is laughing at the other students and welcoming them all to detention, which he already had for other reasons apparently.
During what must be recess, Doug consults Skeeter about his obsession with Roger.
Skeeter looks rather comfortable. He informs Doug that it couldn't have been Roger because Roger was in the principal's office when the radio was stolen. Good detective work, Doug.
Next he talks to Beebe about a few things. First she shrugs off the detention thing, which gives us this wonderful vision Doug has of the future...
Seeing that only makes him want to find the thief that much more. He asks Beebe who sits behind her in class. She says Boomer sits there. Time to investigate! I mean...follow. Doug follows Boomer to his locker where Boomer quickly calls him out on his stupid disguise.
Did you really think Boomer would believe the school had purchased one of those fancy new coat racks that follows you around, Doug? Turns out, Boomer just needs help carrying his books. Doug's certainty in Boomer's guilt at this point gives us this wonderful line of narration; "He's either very crafty, or very stupid." How about just innocent? He could just be innocent...
More good detective work. Any good detective will tell you unwarranted suspicion will eventually get you what you need. While Boomer is asking for help, Doug spots a piece of the radio on the floor near a locker. He asks Boomer if he knows whose locker it is but Boomer doesn't know. He knows the locker next to it is Skeeter's, and Skeeter is in the metal shop. Is Doug at all helpful to Boomer, who just gave him help in his bullshit case?
Of course not.
And what does Doug find in the metal shop?
Oh shit, what the fuck, Skeeter? Doug closes the door before Skeeter sees Doug seeing him. Outside Doug has a fantasy about Skeeter taking a bus and running away, and while waiting for the bus, The Chameleon and Porkchop catch him with another clever disguise.
This is an advanced disguise above and beyond the work of Chief Quimby. Getting back to reality, Doug tries to confront Skeeter about the radio. He does that whole "I have a friend, it's not me, who did this thing" routine that doesn't really fit in this situation, but this is tv and those scenes always happen.
Before he can word things in a way that makes sense, the bell rings and Skeeter runs off to class.
Back in class, Ms. Wingo gives the thief one last chance to turn in the radio or else everyone has to stay for detention. She turns off the light so the thief can avoid being in trouble too. Doug, hearing that Skeeter isn't getting up or doing anything, decides to get the radio and turn it in, and that's when Roger turns the light back on.
Shit. As Doug is about to get chewed out, Beebe breaks down.
It fell out of her locker and broke. Skeeter was just trying to fix it for her. She told her dad it was stolen because he'd be furious at her for breaking it. Bitch. She was going to let her entire class get detention, and accuse one of them of being a thief, because she didn't want her dad to be mad at her. Bitch. Anyway, no detention for anybody (except Roger, for an unrelated matter). Patti doesn't miss her beetball practice, and Doug gets an unjustified sense of accomplishment.
Throughout this episode, Doug switched between his normal voice and his Chameleon voice. Mostly it was in the narration in his head, but there are a few times where he actually talked to other people in his private detective voice. Crazy.
He went through all this trouble of accusing two innocent people of theft, refusing to accuse someone he had reason to believe was the thief of theft, and then almost taking the blame for a crime he didn't commit...so that Patti wouldn't have to miss beetball practice. Guys will do some stupid shit for girls, and Doug is more than happy to prove that.
There's only one person who asked for and needed Doug's help, and that was Boomer. Doug, being the crazy asshole that he is, didn't help. He actually said that Boomer might be very stupid. Not cool.
Seriously...beetball practice.
