Episode 10, Part 2; Doug's Doodle

This is Doug as Smash Adams. His sidekick is never given a name. James Bond doesn't have a sidekick dog, and this is a James Bond tribute dammit.

So what is Smash Adams doing? Breaking into the school of course.

Doors on the roof have locks that are easier to pick, plus there's the danger. Why is Doug fantasizing about breaking into the school though? It has something to do with his doodle. This doodle.

Doug drew this in class while Ms. Wingo was getting onto Boomer for reading a comic book and Roger for sleeping. She walked by Doug who hid the drawing in the stack of papers on his desk. Then she told the class to hand in their essays. Everyone groaned but Doug, who said this was his favorite part of the day. Not because he loves essays or homework, but because...

...Patti has to turn around and ask Doug to pass his paper up. Unfortunately, Patti's cleavage distracted Doug and he accidentally turned in the drawing with his essay. Time for Doug to panic.

Nope, it didn't magically teleport under your desk with your RAP Comix, lunch, and bunch of garbage. What the fuck, Doug? How is it this messy under your desk? When Ms. Wingo collects the stack of papers from his row, he can see part of the drawing and knows he's dead as soon as she sees it. Fantasy time.


Awwww. The family is having a nice dinner. Doug's mom asks if he had a nice day and he gives a shit answer, making her suspicious. She asks if something happened at school, then someone knocks on the door. Doug jumps up and says he'll get it. Who could it be?

Oh my god, how horrifying! Ms. Wingo has turned into Doug's drawing, and is crying about his opinion of her looks! Quick, slam the door. Maybe she'll go away!

And fade to reality...

Doug chews his pencil in half. Then we get this amazing shot as Doug thinks about his current situation. This is probably the best look at the world through Doug's eyes...






Probably the best shot in the series. It pans in front of, and over, and behind Doug while the background colors shift and eventually form reality. Doug is so crazy, everything else becomes a color blur while he dwells on some minor problem. Can we medicate this kid yet?
So then Ms. Wingo holds up a paper and starts to ask who did it. Doug immediately confesses and kind of cries about it.

Ms. Wingo responds, "Your paper is 'My First Pair of High Heels?' Your name's not on it." Beebe takes the credit for that one as the class laughs and Doug takes a deep breath. This is when he gets his first brilliant idea. The window!


This fantasy is almost exactly what happened. Doug opened the window and a huge gust of wind formed a tornado that picked up all the paper in the room, which allowed Doug to find the doodle and tear it up. And then the tornado shot the rest of the paper out of the room as Doug closed the window to applause from the class.
Just kidding. None of that shit happened. Doug didn't even make it to the window. He stepped on Roger's foot, who retaliated by stepping on Doug's foot who's scream alerted Ms. Wingo to the fact that Doug wasn't in his seat.

Then Doug sees a picture on the wall.

And his desk morphs into stocks as he imagines he's being called a doodling witch by what looks like pilgrim versions of his classmates.




This fades out to reveal Doug is still acting it out...

Then he notices that Boomer is reading a Smash Adams comic...

He imagines what Smash Adams would do in this situation, and his fantasy picks up where it left off at the beginning. Doug/Smash Adams and Porkchop/Porkchop crash through a window on the second floor of the school and fight off two janitors to retrieve the doodle. "Whoa, seemed like an awful lot of work" is exactly what Doug thought about that; Climbing and fighting to get a doodle she's about to see any second now. Surely Smash Adams has more tricks up his sleeve...

Ah, yes. Smash would just seduce the woman to distract her. Guess which Smash Adams scheme 11 year old Doug tries.

He compliments her hair, and sits on her desk knocking some of the papers to the floor revealing the doodle clear for Ms. Wingo to see. This is what happens when you try to seduce your elderly teacher, Doug. Should've gone for that option where you fought two janitors.
She wants to know who drew it. Everyone in class laughs, but Boomer laughs the loudest. She takes this as a sort of confession and tells him to stay after school. He tries to protest but she won't hear it. Relieved, Doug takes his seat and thinks about how great it is that he wasn't caught. Then he sees Boomer looking like his puppy just got diagnosed with cancer and wonders what will happen to him. He hopes he won't have to go see the assistant principal about his doodle. And here we get another Smash Adams/Doug Funnie freak out.

Mr. Bonefinger is being pretty tough with Boomer, which causes Smash Adams to run in there and say, "I'm the guy you want!" And fantasy fades out...
"What did you say, Doug?"
"I said...I did the drawing."
Once again Doug's fantasy carried over into reality and we're expected to see Doug as a normal kid.
After class, Ms. Wingo calls Doug up to her desk where she shows him her collection.

Chalky's dad drew one. Mr. Dink drew one. And if Doug would sign his, she could add it to the collection. Delighted, he signs it and starts to leave. Then she tells him he has to clean all the desks.

Now that everything's fine, Doug still manages to escape into fantasy, where the desk he's in morphs into a car and he crashes through a wall.


So yeah, this whole episode covers about 10 minutes of Doug's life and features more psychotic freak outs than most episodes. Most episodes also cover at least a day of Doug's life. This whole episode was basically real time from Doug turning in his paper to his confession. It is perhaps the best example of how crazy Doug really is. He gets so nervous he sometimes chews through pencils. He often sees the world as a swirl of abstract color. He often imagines himself as someone else. He fears his peers are going to crucify him for practically nothing. He thinks wind has magical powers. And he considers seducing an elderly woman (she taught his classmate's father, and the creepy old man that lives next door to him, for fuck's sake) preferable because the only other option he considered was totally ridiculous and implausible. To Doug, he either had to seduce her, or come back at night, after she had already seen the doodle (remember, she was grading them during class and was getting to it any minute) and break in to retrieve it, which meant he'd have to scale the wall, smash through a window, and fight 2 janitors. Both of these options are insane, but one of them is more insane. Why is Doug's thought process so broken? He at least has a good sense of right and wrong, but his perception of reality is so fucked it really is pretty troubling.

Episode 10, Part 1; Doug's Runaway Journal

This is an excellent episode, with several terrific psychotic fantasies by a panicked Doug. It starts with Porkchop dancing to an awful rap song about dogs. Doug asks him to use his headphones so he can write in his journal, but there's a problem; Doug can't find his journal. You may remember this episode as the one where Doug goes around yelling at people that it's not a diary; it's a journal. A quick look around the room gets Doug worried.

He starts looking elsewhere in the house, and asks Judy if she's seen it. He also threatens to beat her up if she reads it, so that's good. Violence will certainly be the answer you're looking for, Doug.

Judy tells him to sleep on it. Maybe in the morning he'll remember where he left it. For some reason, this calms him down and he goes to sleep. Psychotic nightmare time!

Oh no, his journal must be at the dump, on the conveyor belt that leads to the giant metal shoe garbage smasher! This will certainly be traumatic for the collection of papers bound in a red binder, aka Doug's Journal.

It is begging for its life. Pleading with Doug to not be destroyed and left in the dump. I've had some really strange dreams, but I don't think I've ever given a shit about the feelings of an inanimate object as much as Doug. Seriously, his nightmare is about how the journal must feel because he left it behind somewhere? Really, Doug? That's just fucking crazy. It completely overshadows your ridiculous idea of how landfills work. Moving on. Doug wakes up and states that going to sleep was a bad idea. Totally. It would've been so much better for your mental health if you'd stayed up all night worrying about who might be reading your journal, and whether your journal feels betrayed. He decides to retrace his steps from yesterday. He does this by literally walking backwards.

It's hard to tell from a still picture, so you'll have to trust me that he actually is walking backwards. He runs into Skeeter, fills him in and, and gets some more company.

Yes, they are still walking backwards. They make it to the Honker Burger, and instead of going in and looking around they just talk to the drive through box.

Skeeter has that shocked look about him because the speaker moves like a mouth in Doug's crazy world.

The people at the Honker Burger haven't found it. This is just bad investigating and really poorly retracing his steps. Yesterday, did he just order drive through (on foot), or did he go inside, sit down, have a meal, talk with people, and stay awhile? Sure, the woman on the speaker says no one found it, but maybe they haven't looked everywhere carefully yet? Best to go inside and investigate further, Doug. Just to be sure. No? Oh, you're just going to go to the library? Ok, fine. It could be there...

Dumbass Doug asks the librarian if anyone had found a book there yesterday and gets a smartass answer. No one found his journal. So then they head to school. It must be there, and the thought that someone at school might have read it freaks Doug out.

He walks in and sees everyone is laughing and having a good time. This is Doug's best friend, Paranoia, taking over. He assumes everyone has probably already read it and they are laughing at him. And so we get a quick glimpse of his paranoid thoughts.

Beebe mentions that she read Doug thought he got his first pimple but it turned out to be a mosquito bite.

Roger says he heard Doug is afraid of taking the garbage out after dark

Mr. Bone says Doug thinks Mr. Bone's ears wiggle when he gets mad. This will be added to Doug's PERMANENT RECORD!
Isn't this all just wonderful? These are actual facts about Doug that he's worried others will find out and reveal. AND he's worried the assistant principal is going to join in the humiliating gossip of a student. There's also the issue of skin color. I think these paranoid thoughts where 3 characters have darker skin colors and different hair colors than they usually do further proves that Doug sees skin and hair color in whatever fucked up way his mind interprets it. Right now, he's extremely paranoid and sees them a bit darker than usual.
Anyway, Ms. Wingo notices something is wrong with Doug and asks him what's up.

He tells her. Her first thought is that lots of great writers have been discovered this way. Finally Doug gets a positive fantasy from this whole thing. Sort of.



So maybe Doug will become a pretentious, critically acclaimed author because a publisher found the journal of an 11 year old psychopath. At his fantasy signing, some reporter says, "I noticed you write a lot about people you know!" His response proves he is a genius.
"Yes, I like to write about people I know. Gives it that "people-I-know" feeling."
How about that? Ms. Wingo goes away and takes Doug's positive thoughts with her. An encounter with Patti is next. What if she finds out what is written in the journal? It would be the worst thing ever if she found out that he actually really liked her. The horror! He fills her in on his current misery (pretty rare for him to let this many people know (especially Patti) why he's acting crazy this time, but this is the only time he thinks they can help) and she gets him back in bed with Negative Nancy. Basically the same old "what if someone read your most private thoughts" shit. She walks away and Doug spins like a newspaper...and also fades into the newspaper because it's fantasy time!


So self-centered.
Skeeter wakes him from this nightmare and he's standing frozen. Like this...

This is not good. He's getting much worse than usual. Time for the old standard.

Don't try to call that phone number. It's fake.
At home he tries writing on other forms of paper, to fill the void.

"Dear multi-colored loose leaf paper"

"Dear toilet paper, It's me, Doug." I can't believe this didn't work. It's all paper. I don't know why he would try to write on toilet paper (if multi-colored paper in a binder similar to your journal doesn't work, why would paper you wipe your ass with work?).

The phone rings and Judy answers it. Someone at the Honker Burger found his journal. Remember how he lazily investigated that place? Fucking dumbass. Turns out Roger found it. Oh shit. Fantasy time again...

Fuck yeah. Time for some hilarious stand-up comedy. Roger starts out with a great zinger, read straight from the journal.
"Today, I thought I grew hair under my arms, but it turned out to be just grass from mowing the yard!"
Whoa! Can he say that? Here comes another zinger!
"Dear Journal, don't tell anyone, but I ripped the seat out of my pants yesterday, and had to staple it back together!"
What a riot. Go on...
"Did you know Funnie is allergic to mustard, but absolutely loves mayonnaise? Patti Mayonnaise! Oooooh!"
How's the crowd liking this?

If Doug kept up with this fantasy, Roger would end up with his own HBO special. Again, I feel it's necessary to point out that this is presumably all true about Doug. I don't know how he could confuse grass for hair, but it must be in his journal if he's thinking Roger is going to read it straight from his journal. Unfortunately, it's time to find out how much Roger knows about Doug...

Turns out, Roger didn't read it. He couldn't. No, it's not because he's illiterate. Doug's handwriting is just unreadable.

Well thank god for that. I'll just take that glowing journal...

Whoa, Doug! Cool it with the visual hallucinations already.
So Doug got his journal back with no problems. All that freaking out for nothing. Again. Porkchop returns to his rap about dogs, with his headphones on. He break dances and gets all tangled up.

SHIT PORKCHOP CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO WRITE IN MY JOURNAL!

JEEZ!