Naturally, we begin with a fantasy.
Roger is dragging Doug through the desert.
and the arctic.
Why is Doug so concerned with Roger blindly running across the world?
The actual story begins with Doug, Skeeter and Porkchop watching a movie on tv about a giant killer beet destroying a city. The channel changes to Derek Derekson performing Shakespeare on ice. Remember Derek Derekson from the award show on ice in Doug's strange fantasy from the last episode? Yeah, he's real and his performances of Shakespeare on ice are popular enough to be on broadcast television. It's probably just PBS, but it doesn't matter. Judy has changed the channel and refuses to let Doug and Skeeter finish watching the movie they were watching. Bitch.
Eager to give up the fight, they decide to finish the movie at Skeeters. They open the door to a surprise.
What the fuck is he doing here?
Why the fuck is he wearing a tie? (Also, rickets?)
In a really creepy moment, Skeeter sniffs and takes note of the fact that he's wearing cologne. Why the fuck is he wearing cologne?
Ignoring Doug and Skeeter, Roger walks over to the living room doorway and stares at Judy.
Doug figures it out immediately. He tells Skeeter that Roger has a crush on Judy. Skeeter immediately triggers a fantasy by saying, "can you imagine what it'd be like if Roger started hanging around here?"
Roger and Judy are doing that overly mushy couple stuff and Doug asks for the banana pudding. Big mistake.
Well, what did you expect? Roger and Judy laugh.
After the fantasy, Doug and Skeeter point out that Judy is gaga over Derek Derekson. They tell Roger she only goes for high class guys who can quote Shakespeare while wearing skates. Roger leaves.
The next day at school, Roger shows up in a silly costume wearing roller blades. Roller blades have always been known as the ultimate chick magnet. Unfortunately, Roger is not very graceful and he falls down. This likely has something to do with his rickets.
Later, Roger's goons call for Doug because they need his help. Roger is freaking out in the bathroom. He's reciting shit.
I hate Greatest Hits compilations. It's always just the shit they play on the radio all the time anyway.
The goons leave, and Roger comes out to have a little talk with Funnie. He wants to know if Judy said anything about him after he left. Then Doug tries to tell him she's different/weird. Then Roger goes into crush mode with heart shaped eyes and points out that their initials are the same as Romeo and Juliet's. Doug narrates, "Now I was sure of it. Roger had gone insane!" At this point, I wish someone could've pointed out to Doug that what Roger was doing regarding Judy was not insane compared to what he does regarding Patti.
At home, Doug hears a ruckus outside his window. He looks out to see Roger playing music, reciting Shakespeare, and climbing a ladder up to a window. He tries to get Roger's attention, but fails. Too late.
That's right. Roger's at the wrong house. I don't know how he managed this. He was just at the Funnie house yesterday. I can only assume Roger suffers from night blindness, but I don't want to think he's got yet another disability. The writer's can't be that cruel. But then the other option is that he's just really fucking stupid...poor Roger.
So Doug comes out and tells him Judy isn't even home anyway. She's rehearsing or some stupid thing. Roger asks him to give her a note.
And because Doug hasn't had much fantasy time this episode, we get this really quick one.
"To deliver, or not to deliver? That is the question!"
Doug delivers. Judy reads it. It's a poem that ends by asking her to meet at the Honkerburger. The poem is mostly plagiarized from Merchant of Venice. Judy says she knows how to handle it and goes to the Honkerburger.
She does this whole monologue that I'm sure is from something but I have no idea what it is and it doesn't really matter anyway. The basic idea is "we can't be together." She overacts the fuck out of it and gets a huge round of applause from the people at the Honkerburger. Then she leaves.
Doug and Porkchop were outside watching, and she walks by saying, "I told you I knew how to handle it." Then Roger comes out pissed that Doug hadn't told him how crazy Judy was. Well, actually Roger. He did try to tell you.
He shoves the hat onto Doug, and the flowers and glasses into his hands and leaves. The end.
And so what we have here is not really Doug's worst nightmare. Doug's worst nightmare would be if Judy had actually liked Roger and they started dating. It's strange, typical Doug behavior that he automatically assumed Judy would go for it. He at least realized that Roger's not really her type. And then when Roger adopted the Shakespeare act, Doug went back to assuming Judy would fall for it. Doesn't know his own sister.
And this whole episode he's either laughing at Roger's insanity or pitying him for it. Yet, at least Roger is actively pursuing his crush. Roger had a crush on Judy for 2 days. He quickly asked her out and got rejected. Then he moved on because he saw that she wasn't really what he wanted. Roger isn't insane. He's got a crush. That's normal.
On the other hand, Doug has had a crush on Patti for over a year. He has progressed only in driving himself crazy. He's had complete psychotic breakdowns because he doesn't have the balls Roger has. Poor Doug...
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Everyone is excited because today is the day when the cast list for Bluffington's annual Founder's Day Pageant gets posted. Skeeter gets to play the founder of Bluffinton, Thadeus Bluff! Doug points out and laughs at Roger because he has to play the front half of Grendel the Brave Horse. Then he notices who has to play the back half.
Not so funny now, is it Doug? At least Roger isn't the horse's ass.
And then Doug and Skeeter notice that Judy is going to direct the pageant. Doug takes this news worse than the news that he had to be the back half of a horse. You would think Doug would quit the pageant at this point. He's got a shitty role, and his crazy sister is directing it and all he can think about is how she's going to embarrass him. Why does he show up to the first rehearsal?
It's so he can have this amazing fantasy about how Judy will embarrass him.
The fantasy begins with Judy telling everyone to take it from the top. Then she says, "oh, by the way, Dougie. You left these in the bathroom this morning."
Then she shoots them onto Doug's head as everyone swirls around, laughing at him.
Doug doesn't know his sister at all. Yes. It's possible that she would embarrass him during the rehearsals and pageant. However, she has never been the type to embarrass him in this manner. This is more Roger's style of embarrassment. If Judy was going to embarrass Doug, it would be by having a complete emotional breakdown that reveals how psychologically unstable the Funnie kids are. That's what he needs to worry about.
Anyway Judy walks on stage dressed and acting like an old lady in need of help and reveals the disguise when Doug offers her help. Everyone applauds. Then she tells everyone to throw away their scripts because she's changing everything. This makes everyone happy, especially Doug. It means he won't be a horse's ass (in the pageant...every day life...debatable).
Judy's announcement causes another great fantasy from Doug.
"And now, presenting the award for best director of a school pageant, here's world famous experienced figure skating person, Derek Derekson."
Ignoring the terribly worded introduction that Derek Derekson received...why is he skating to the podium? Is this a reference to some early 90's award show that for some reason took place on ice? More on this in a minute.
Anyway, Derek Derekson announces that Judy Funnie is of course the winner!
WHY!? Judy comes out, thanks them, but then quickly gives all credit to Doug. It is his fantasy after all...
Again. WHY!? This is one of Doug's more absurd fantasies. If the guy presenting an award is a world famous figure skater, then he's probably always wearing his ice skates. And that means the stage must be ice. So that means Judy has to be wearing ice skates. And then Doug too! Of course! Why did Doug fantasize that this whole awards show would take place on ice and that everyone would just have to accommodate one guy who was merely presenting an award? Why didn't he just fantasize that someone relevant to stage productions was presenting the award? World famous Tony award-winning director Gerald Gutierrez! There! Now there's no need for ice skates. Doug just wanted to fantasize that he was ice skating, I guess.
Moving on. Doug and Skeeter are practicing Skeeter's lines. Skeeter is still the founder of Bluffington, but now he's an astronaut.
This annoys Skeeter's father. A lot. He calls the mayor!
...who teams up with Mr. Bone...
...to fire Judy. Mr. Bone takes over and restores the pageant to the traditional, boring bunch of bullshit where Doug is a horse's ass.
It's opening night. Boomer looks pissed that he has to be a tree. He does actually have lines, so he's at least not the back half of a horse. I don't know why the trees have lines, but they do.
Everyone is enthusiastic about the traditional pageant. The man sitting next to Mr. Bone taking notes (Mr. Bone incorrectly assumes it is the critic from the local paper) gets up and goes back stage to reveal his true identity. He's Judy.
Judy tells them to ditch this boring shit and tells Doug to get his bongos.
Skeeter gets his astronaut uniform and kazoo...
And they finish out the show with a strange beatnik sort of song where Roger is dressed as a pot roast, his goons are dressed as peas, and nothing makes any sense whatsoever. The crowd loves it.
There's nothing else to say, really.
I uploaded Judy’s part of the pageant, but it has already been blocked by viacom. I didn’t feel like describing it. Oh well. Skeeter is swinging around from the ceiling. Roger is dressed as a pot roast with a gang of peas. Beebe is dressed as a fork. Patti is dressed as an angel or something. What part of what we're shown was actually a part of Judy's rewrites and how much of it was filtered into nonsense about pot roast and peas and forks and astronauts by Doug who doesn't really understand his sister and doesn't care to understand her? I'm sure Judy's rewrites were insane enough. She's a Funnie. But what did Doug lazily describe to us? Or what did he add or change in his journal entry to make it more interesting? These are the questions we'll never have answers to.
That doesn't matter though, because Judy's version of the pageant was amazing. Just look at this bliss!
The Count's wife moved to Bluffington after the divorce, and his son just tries to blend in.